When the light goes out...

Daily Lesson for December 9, 2015

Today's Daily Lesson comes from Psalm 38 verse 9:

"and the light of my eyes—it also has gone from me."

I have a good friend who just celebrated 40 years of sobriety.  He is very active in the recovery community and is in many ways, by nature of his call, a public face for Alcoholics Anonymous within the city.  Last spring he led a series of discussions at Second B on addiction and recovery. When he told his own story and spoke of his first year of sobriety after 20 years of drinking, he said his mother looked at him and said, "Your eyes are looking out again, son."

The eyes are a window into the soul. When we see someone looking out with a twinkle of light beaming from their eyes then we know they are alive. The radiance of the eyes tell us so. But when the eye gives out no light, but rather absorbs it all like a black hole then it is plain to any mother who can see that something in the soul of her son or her daughter has dimmed and grown dark.

"Your eye is a lamp that provides for your body," Jesus said. "When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be filled with darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness."

Look in the mirror. Are your eyes looking out or in? Do they give off light or do they absorb it all? 

What are your eyes saying about your soul?

Ryon Price, 2nd Baptist, Lubbock

It's Okay to Feel Relief

Grief and relief: the mix of emotions after a death

by Carol Bradley Bursack, Editor-in-Chief

When a family member has witnessed a long, slow decline in a spouse or elder prior to the elder's death, the death often brings mixed emotions. While grief is expected, relief that ordeal is over often is a surprise. This feeling of relief is something many people are afraid to make known to others, as they feel guilty having such feelings.

I often speak of these deaths before groups of caregivers and professionals. There are generally boxes of tissues about, as most of my topics are emotional. When I say that I would guess many of them have felt a sense of relief when a loved one dies, heads nod. Tears flow. But after hearing the words spoken aloud by another person, they somehow know it's okay. They are not alone in feeling relief when it's over and that is healing.

It's gratifying to see this reaction. At first I was baffled that people were so ashamed to admit that though they grieved, they could also feel relief. I learned, later, how common that is. I tell them it doesn't make them bad people. Who could enjoy watching this suffering? Who could, day after day, totally enjoy the turmoil and exhaustion these years of caregiving bring?

Most of us never regret giving our time and attention to those we love. Our elders who have long, slow deaths deserve the best care we can give them through every moment of the journey. But when their journey ends, and the sorrow of loss is examined, there is often a new understanding that the loss began to happen long ago. This final step was just that--the final step of the journey.

The end of a long, tiring journey must have some reward. In this case it's the end of suffering. It's also the beginning of a different kind of life for the caregiver. Feeling relief over that is natural, normal and compassionate. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Please drop the guilt and accept your humanity.

You are a good person.

From "Lee's Place"

There are times when a sense of relief follows the death of a loved one 

which can be very confusing and disconcerting, 

maybe even resulting in a sense of guilt or shame which complicates grief. 

This relief isn’t so much a response to your loved one dying, 

as it is to the alleviation of vigilance, suffering and often exhaustion. 

In some cases it can appear like a very logical response to have, 

as in situations where there have been many months or years of caretaking a sick family member. 

But that doesn’t mean the grief and sadness are not there as well, 

they are just mixed in with the relief from their loved one suffering, exhaustion and worry.