The Guilt Sisters: Shoulda, Coulda, and Woulda

I hesitate to write about this,

lest anyone be concerned for my safety,

or my current state of mindfulness.

There is such a "silver lining", however, that I shall

throw caution to the wind and proceed with the story.

I always lock my doors.

I just do.

Usually I enter through the garage, and I always secure

the garage entry door as soon as I make my way into my apartment foyer.

I rarely use my front door to enter or exit.

So, with that said, here's the deal:

I left my front door unlocked from Saturday until last night.

That's five days...and five nights.

I know.  Bad girl!

Shoulda locked that door.

Shoulda known that door was unlocked.

Shoulda never let that door stay unlocked for five days.

So, what did I do when I realized it was unlocked?

I LOCKED IT, for goodness sake!!

(I may be forgetful, but I'm NOT stupid!)

"But,"

shout the Guilt Sisters in one accord,

"that still doesn't take care of what you should have known

and should have done five days ago!"

(The backstory is that I had a plumbing problem last Saturday,

and Ned, the handyman, came and fixed it.

He entered and exited via the front door, and...

well you know the rest of the story.

I know.

I shoulda walked downstairs with him when he left;

then I coulda and woulda locked that door.)

Okay, okay!!

Now that I'm safe again...all locked up nice and tight...

what's the point?

How many times do I/we blame and shame ourselves for things we

shoulda, coulda, woulda done differently

if only...we had!

What I realized in a whole new "hit-me-in-the-face" kind of way

was that because I didn't know the door was unlocked,

I lived as if it were.

I believed I was safe, and so I lived that way.

It was an unfortunate error on my part,

but it wasn't intentional,

and I had absolutely no awareness of it

until...I did.

We live out our days based on what we believe to be true.

That's all we've got.

When information surfaces at a later time

that gives us reason to believe differently, then, and only then

 can we adjust, adapt, and recalculate based on the new information.

But to blame and shame ourselves for information we did not have,

well, that is dis-grace-ful!

I so easily forgave myself for the unlocked door; at least,

it wasn't life or death (fortunately!).

I was just grateful that I had the new information

and could act on it.

Click. Click.

I am learning to do that with other situations in my life,

situations in my past where I was doing the best I knew how to do

with the information I had at the time.

When, with time, new information surfaces,

information that might have changed my beliefs at the time,

I can feel so terribly bad that I didn't have that information earlier

and was even acting as if I didn't have it.

Well, for Goodness Sake,
I didn't!!

"God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference."

There was so much I could not change, even when I knew it.

But, I could never change what I did not know.

Now, that is grace-ful.

Thanks be to God!

(for the parable of the unlocked door...)