Mercy given and received

I check in with NieNie every day, because 

she helps me stay real.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 21, 2013

Inside and out.

I sat with Mr Nielson in "our spot" near the fireplace in the 

Grill Room at Sundance for lunch.

It was Valentines day.

We had just finished a great morning/afternoon skiing together.

I looked at Mr. Nielson and told him
how thankful I was.I can still do everything I want-

just like I did before the accident.  

I recounted all the things they said I'd never do.

Valentines Day was another blessed reminder
that I am still alive-
still very much alive.  

 I felt so happy and content.

Today, I overheard some men laughing and talking-
oh, and pointing...

{do grown people do that?} about me today.

That never gets any easier-
even when I think I look so much better.

I felt sad, angry, and then stupid.
I wanted to run away and hide, but part of me 
wanted to confront them and tell them whats up.

Instead I quickly remembered back to that afternoon
with Mr. Nielson at Sundance.  

 In that embarrassing moment, I tried to remember those feelings
I was having on Valentines Day with the man I love.

With that man who loves me back unconditionally.

I felt empowered and so confident
of my progress and myself.

I felt gratitude and pure contentment. 

Those tender feelings I experienced that afternoon
helped softened my heart and helped me move on and 
forgive and forget that upsetting moment.

Besides I had baby Charlotte in my arms.  

She was resting her little head on my shoulder
dozing off to sleep.

She loves and needs me completely regardless of what I look like.

She-me-us-motherhood are so much bigger to me
than anything those men could say about me.

  My purpose and role on this earth is so much bigger
than anything hurtful anyone can ever say or do.
My life and recent trial is something
they know nothing about.
Something that I hold sacred and treasure
in my heart.  

And that is what my accident has been to me-
a blessed, beautiful terrifically hard bump 
in my earthly journey.
My scars are just proof that I went through
something hard and that 
I am doing it every single day. 

I am so thankful for those reminders I get
now and then.  

They pick me up and dust me off
when it gets hard.
After, I found myself smiling at those men
and the world around me.
And I honestly truly felt lovely
inside and out.