Now that's more like it!

Yea! Sawyer is well. 

 Kiddie clutter!

 Smiling sugar lips!

It's ALL a gift!

Rob and the Twins!

Another "head" has appeared.

Wheeeeeeeeee!

Wow!

Look! There's another head over there in the "members" column.

My sweet friend, Deaun (TOG), has allowed her "head" to

appear next to Rob's, as my member #2.

Wow!

Am I a bonafide blogsite now?

TOG: The Other Grandmother

My Lone Fan

Caption: "Whatever!"

In the blogging-world, 

I think it is desirable to attract as many so-called members as possible,

somehow as an indication of how interesting  

a particular blogsite is to the blogging community.

Obviously, I am not into acquiring "members", 

as only a few close friends and family even know about this site.

But when I glance at the upper left hand corner of my front page
and see the smiling face of my one and only official member, "my Rob",
I must say it gives me a warm and cozy feeling,
as well as a few giggles.

After all these years, 

he's still interested in what's important to me.

(Or he may just be nosy.)

I'll choose interested.

Thanks, Rob!

Retrospect

The longer I live, 

the more opportunities I have 

to feel the feelings of those I might have judged 

in the past and truly begin to understand the source 

of those feelings and the responses that, at the time,

I could neither understand nor accept.

I even remember saying, 

"That is unacceptable,"

and believing it!

Thankfully, 

I have lived long enough 

to get to be on the other side, 

fearing that something very valuable to me

(a person, a relationship, an identity) 

was going to be taken from me or forever changed 

in ways I didn't think I could possibly accept.

Fear does that, you know.

I don't look forward to those eye-and-soul-opening times,

(and I know more will be coming)

but I can better see them now for what they are--

reminders that we are all connected

by one great big pool of human feelings,

and that all of us, 

throughout our lives, 

dip from that very same pool,

a fathomless pool, 

the very source of which is  

Love,
when we dip down deep enough.

Color My World

Free photo slideshow customized with Smilebox

Synergy

Happy Feet

Amazing Grace

Life is absolutely dependable:

It's always exactly as it is, not always as you think it should be,

and never as it isn't.

Amazing!

Bless the Mess

Life is oh, so good and messy!

Enjoy another C.Jane blog and have a few laughs today.  I did!

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2012

#WhileIWasNursing Day 2

My Ever:


Tess's Girl:


Tricia's "Help! I stuck!"


Natasha:
In November I was nursing my five month old in our bedroom and my 2 1/2 year old son came in and told me he had drawn a picture. I asked if I could see it and he said it was on the chair. When he showed me the chair I realized it really was ON the chair. Our IKEA Poang chair. He told me he didn't want to ask me for paper while I was nursing. I told him next time, ASK FOR PAPER!!!


Erin's Hattie & Ruby:


Candice:

(Yes, that's what you think it is.)

Fun times.

0

Looking ahead...

 Today is Rob's 65th birthday!

 Shannon treated us each to our own special birthday cupcake,

and we celebrated with candles and everything.

Sawyer is feeling so much better today and was

ready to P-A-R-T-Y!

C. Jane speaks on mess...

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 22, 2012

Chaos and Control: Theory

 
My nephew came through the glass doors to the Green Room and heaved a huge sigh.
"I can't find anything around here."
My house was indeed messy. It contained left-overs from a holiday weekend including visitors and people and people with children. A dumped art bin produced colored pencils strewn out on the floor like tapered fireworks. Lost Lego bits burrowed their way into the carpet. Food, and lots of it, took up space on thecounter tops as once-enjoyed plates dirtied themselves in the sink. The children's entire wardrobe (including footwear) were designated into piles around the front room like a mole's work in an abandoned field. My bed had become so clouded with clutter I had to make a padded lounge on the floor in the children's room to sleep.
I told Chup,
"If we left for the day and came back and our house was ransacked by an intruder, I wouldn't even know."
And good gravy man, the toys! In a total act of anarchy the toys had overtaken the available space meant for the living. So very many toys, so little space to sit. This uncomely, overwhelming landscape at my home was making it hard for my nephew to find his favorite rocket ship.
"I know," I said to him, lazily picking up a few items on the floor to inspect, "our house is a little messy right now."
"Right now?" he said to me with his back bent over examining a bin of army guys, "it's ALWAYS messy."
***
That's not fair. I thought.
I spent hours a day cleaning my house. Dusting, vacuuming, organizing, picking up. I have a sense of pride about these things. Just because I decide I will let one weekend go where I don't follow about wiping, will-power fighting and washing everything my children touch means that it's ALWAYS this way.
But still, it festered.
***
One night I went to visit my brother.
When I walked into his house my sister in law started cleaning. Her anxiety about my presence in her unclean house was amusing to my brother,
"I mean, haven't you seen Courtney's house?"
This festered too. Still to this day.
***

I've thought a lot about this aspect to housewifery--the unstable effect of perpetual mess. The only constant in our home is chaos and control. Either there is chaos or there is control. For the longest time I felt this wild cycle eating at me and my ideals of Godliness and cleanliness.
But that's just it.
When I think of God, He also operates under a similar cycle. Consider the cosmos. Before the world was there was chaos, and somehow (an evolution-creation situation, I believe) He made control out of elements thereby creating an earth. And for a while things were good, until chaos took over and God sent a flood to wash the entire planet of disorder. Mother Earth is cyclic too, she who answers the natural world. There are winds of destruction and skies of peace. In fact, our whole lives are ruled by these two elements, control and chaos. Why wouldn't our homes be just like that? Where did I get the idea that my home should always be tidy? Nothing is ALWAYS tidy.
Nothing.
Maybe Godliness is cleanliness, but so is the chaos that proceeds it. Without chaos there would be no control.
I tell my pride: God lets things get messy, so can I.
***
My neighbor stopped by last night for a chat. He's a two-timed PhD biology professor and natural teacher whose very presence begs for inquiries.
"Everyone keeps telling me that this warm winter is going to be horrible for our ecosystem, but isn't this weather pattern natural?" I asked him as he sat in my yellow chairs.
"Well, yes it's natural but the warming of the planet is making these weather patterns more erratic. And it's very destructive for plants"
"Is this evolution? Is the planet ridding itself of plants that can't sustain this weather patterns?"
"Evolution is a slow process, requiring centuries. Plants don't evolve as fast as decades. And animals can move, but plants walk very slow."
And he explains more, but suddenly I am thinking about adaptation.
I am thinking, my house will always be in stages of messy and clean and I can't do anything (sanely) about that, but I can't control the extremes to which it becomes a tidal wave of mess.
I think: I am getting rid of the toys.
***

My kids rarely play with toys.
A few things. A firetruck and my son's beloved R2D2 come to mind.
But that's it.
Toys are solely used to make messes.
And paperclips, Tupperware and tongs used for spaghetti are used regularly for play things.
Ever could live inside my jewelry box and has come to know (all to soon) the difference between fake jewels for dress ups and the real deal.
This daughter of mine only wears the real deal.
(Still, I could never throw away the dress ups.)
***
I must stop worrying what visitors think of my house's cleanliness.
Mostly because no matter how orderly my house is when they visit the time I spend talking to them creates an easy window for my children to delve into disorder. 
The presence of a distractor is not lost on my children. While I am working out the problems of the world, they produce a few more, with trips to the flour bin and cookie shelf and anything that has to do with running water.
I can't host a visitor and keep my house clean at the same time. And because I love people in my house, I allow for the aftermath.
Or the during-math.
Making it so the lasting impression of the visitor is one of unashamed disarray.
"Thanks for stopping by!"
***
I tried to explain this to my nephew in a teasing tone,
"You know, my house is messy every time you come over because you make it messy."
But he disagreed,
"No I don't."
Then immediately he dumped the crowded bin of army guys upside down with a pat on the bottom for good measure. 
This creates a small hill of army guys in the threshold of the kitchen.
***

There's nothing wrong with chaos, as long as it doesn't control. And there is nothing wrong with control as long as it doesn't become chaotic.
We cleaned all day yesterday. Every corner of every room. New linens on all the beds. Re-arranged the front room. The kitchen looked as if we had painted with glitter. As I organized and shuffled around delivering toys and stuff in all their proper places I started to feel grateful for the chaos. I like creating order out of disorder--that is Godliness.
***
I am serious about getting rid of the toys, though.

8

Sweet

I asked my dear friend Tenna to do her angel-bidding for Sawyer

who has been quite sick lately, and defnitely not his jolly, exuberant self.

She, of course, said yes...
she would ask sweet baby angels to do the work,
and I do believe they have arrived!

Now we know!

Ginda 

Home Health Occupational Therapist

That certainly explains Rob's rapid recovery.

You'd want to impress Ginda too!

"Now, who are you?"

Quote of the Day

Mezamiz Coffee House

Abilene, Texas
2/21/2012

My year with Nepo

Mark Nepo has been my daily companion for the past 365 days.

His Book of Awakening is the first thing I read each morning,
after I scan the newspaper and wake up my  brain with the crossword puzzle.

My friend Cheryl recommended the book to me while at Moe Ranch last year, 

and I can always count on her to point me to my next right book.

And so it happens that today is the last day of the readings for the past year,

and tomorrow I get to start rereading all of those wonderful

inspirational thoughts that have started each of my days.

As I read, I'll be reminded of how consistently inconsistent life is for all of us,

and, via my little scribbles, remember how we made it through anyway.

The Lord IS my shepherd! 

Prayer for today

Lord, because you are my shepherd,

a constant loving presence,

I want for nothing.

You give me green pastures of rest

where my soul is restored.

You guide me in ways of goodness because 

you are who you say you are.

Even when life brings me close to death,

I can trust you to be there with me too.

Your presence comforts me.

I am safe.

You continually show me blessings unlimited,

right in front of those who are so confused about all of this. 

You bless me over and over again.

My cup is full to overflowing, more than enough,

...all of the time.

Surely all of this goodness and love I feel so strongly today 

has been and will be available every other day of my life.

And when I keep my eyes open, truly see and claim 

what is always right in front of my eyes,

I am reminded that your safe house 

is my safe home, forever.

Amen 

Words for the day

Prayers tonight, especially for KH, VS, TS, SM, ZM, SM, MJ and LP

Those little Hill girls...

It's been way too long since we've been together...

since September actually!

We did not plan our outfits, but we do look pretty cute, don't we?

And here's what happens when we get together.

We did let the guys play too,

celebrating past and future birthdays as well as

Rob's successful extreme back makeover.

Details

God,

There are so many tiny details in this world of ours,

intricate workings that boggle our minds.

And our eyes cannot begin to take them all in.

There are people I love who are waiting for the next set of details

to be revealed in their lives.

While they wait, while we all wait,

cushion the edges of waiting with the peace of remembering

that details are nothing but parts of the larger view

where You reside, forever, with us.

Amen 

Quick Start?

These are our new phones, purchased yesterday from young sales-geeks
who for an hour and a half patiently guided us through the maze
of modern phone technology and, no doubt, heaved huge sighs of relief
and even giggled a bit when we finally walked out the door.

We have practiced with them today, slowly but surely learning

where all the "poking" places are to do our usual calling, texting, and photographing.

Of course, now there are more than 50 new things we could do 

if we wanted to but probably won't.

Stay tuned, though. These old dogs are learning some new phone-tricks!

Dance at its finest!

Check it out at
  www.vimeo.com/channels/ailey

The Ride

Create an invitation card

Decorative addition...

I guess Caleb added Mario to the door of the bookcase in my Study-O
when he was here last week...nice effect!

Word to the Wise

 "I didn't know he said that. Did you?"

Giving it thought...

Walking Time

And look who joined me on my walk this evening...

at least for the first block or so.

Go, Rob, go!
I'm so proud of you!!

C. Jane, Enjoy It

I'm including today's blog from another favorite blogsite of mine,

blog.cjanerun.com

Courtney is sister to Stephanie Nielson of

nieniedialogues.blogspot.com

These are young mothers whose observations and insights on life
make me laugh, cry, and otherwise relish
their oh-so-early wisdom about all things meaningful.

This is the fifth in a series of blogs about her 5LOVES.

If you like this one, you'll no doubt enjoy the others on her site.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 2012

5 Loves: The One

print by Ashmae

I was born a lover. Something about me falls easily for other  people. I love to love. As a tribute to the holiday of romance I am writing about the five great loves of my life--for better or for worse--after all what's romance without the heart break?

My first year of marriage with Christopher was a very lonely time for me. I had expected to feel honeymoony nights and breathless mornings. There was none of this. Instead I felt like at any moment Christopher would come through the door of our condo on the hill and say good bye to me forever.

He had not transitioned well from bachelor-to-boyfriend and from boyfriend-to-husband. His inability to hide his anguish left me worried for our future.  When I'd try to unveil him he would become physically uncomfortable, sometimes falling to coughing fits or stomach upsets. I knew he loved me, but I didn't know if he loved us.

Our one year anniversary fell on a hot Sunday in July. My entire family was together milling about on my parent's front lawn waiting for the photographer to take our family picture. As my nieces and nephews climbed all over my tall, beefy husband, I sat down next to my dad who instantly noticed the shadows around my shoulders.

"I don't think we're going to make it Dad," I said breathing in manageable gusts.

Another failed love for me. But not just any failed love, Christopher Kendrick. I loved him from a place of divinity. I loved him because I realized it was my choice to love him, and this empowered me to absolute devotion. He was my choice, and my choice was important to me.

"Well, you can always come back home," my dad said with more compassion he'd ever shown me in my lifetime, "these things happen sweetheart."


Really? I thought. Two divorces in two years? These things happen?

When the photographer showed up I could tell Christopher was uncomfortable posing with my family. I looked around at my siblings--in the throes of seemed perfection--gorgeous spouses, happy offspring, solid careers.What was wrong with me?

Christopher didn't want to have children either. He didn't want anything that would bind us together for longer than he could stand. He didn't want to be sealed to me in the Mormon Temple (with it's promises of eternal marriage) and he didn't want me to change my last name to his. Even still, he broke these sentiments to me sweetly, kindly, as though he were killing me with dignity and compassion.

That was the year I learned how to move through valley of the shadow of death.

This was also the year I came to know Heavenly Father honestly, truly exists loves me. When in the face of absolute devastation I learned to put my trust in God. I began to listen to the thoughts in my mind that said,

"Hold on. Don't give up. Fight. Fight. Fight."

I allowed him nights of crying. I listened as he told me he felt hopeless. I stopped controlling everything and just let it be. I started to train my mind to believe that true romanticism was a man and a woman dedicated to work. The battle of it all was one of self-worth, we had to fight to know who we were, and what we were capable of.

I came to realize this:  we think we go from partner to partner because there will be someone "better" for us. In reality, no one is better for us, we just get better for ourselves.

And this: relationships work when we sacrifice negative beliefs about ourselves, and in that process we become the best thing that's ever happened to anyone.

And this: a successful marriage is about two people engaged and dedicated to overcoming selfishness--for the rest of their lives.

Four months after our first year anniversary we were sealed in the Provo temple. After that life was too busy to think much about ourselves--houses, careers, infertility, deaths, birth, birth, birth. When our anniversary rolls around each year we opt out of gifts and instead say simple re-dedication proses to each other,

"I'm dedicated to our work."

Our relationship stands now as the part I love most about myself. He is the reason I can be honest. This respect I feel ranges from serious to silly. Sometimes I feel old in our marriage and sometimes I am as giddy as the day we met. But I am loved by Christopher Kendrick, do you know what that means?

There is not a day that goes by I don't thank my Heavenly Father for cheering us on.

Who knew God was such a romantic?


Epilogue: We are the sum of all our relationships, and that is why I can't regret any of mine. All of these bits and pieces add up to my soul and at the end of the day it's compassion (not travel) that makes us open-minded and wide-hearted. I've said it before, I will never regret emotion spent on falling in love.



Thank you Ashmae for letting me use your images this week.
Visit her blog, Birds of Ashmae if you like lovely words and lovely art. 

Scenes from "The Artist Too"

Broken

Sometimes they are just what they are: broken pieces...

with sharp, painful edges.

It HURTS!

Until, when softened by time, they become the subtle aspects
of a landscape that can only be revealed in retrospect.

After the snow...

Well, that's that!